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Sunday, October 30th, 2011

Subject:Gone but not forgotten
Time:10:32 pm.
Mood: confused.
The voices in my head are gone.
I don't know what to make of this. 
I was  pondering a question and I got a reply from two men running around my brain who really had no idea how to answer my question.And I asked where everyone was, and they were told to tell me they were not needed.
I'm sad. I spent 10 years with the voices. 
I keep thinking maybe it wasn't real. But if I had made things up then wouldn't I carry on doing so? I just needed to write this somewhere. 
Comments: Add Your Own.

Friday, April 16th, 2010

Subject:baby
Time:1:12 pm.
sat 3rd my water broke at 4 am. We were at my mom's since my due date was a week away and my brother was visiting. Active labour started at 1 pm. He was born ay 20:17. 8 lbs 6 oz.

OUCH

all is happy
Comments: Read 2 or Add Your Own.

Tuesday, March 30th, 2010

Subject:12 days or something
Time:2:15 pm.
Til my due date. Not that it means anything. Something will happen in the next 3 weeks.

There's other stuff. but just wanted to say hi.
Comments: Read 1 or Add Your Own.

Tuesday, February 16th, 2010

Subject:tired
Time:5:00 pm.
53 days until I'm due. Canadian time. or some such. I'm quite round and rather tired.

That's all. Just thought you'd like to be updated.
Comments: Add Your Own.

Tuesday, August 11th, 2009

Subject:Reads
Time:3:50 pm.
You can read Second Chance Romance at Smashwords for free.

And the second book in the series, Summer Fling is there as well. Not quite free.

Comments: Add Your Own.

Wednesday, June 24th, 2009

Subject:Links and things
Time:1:09 pm.
I think I may start posting here again. Mostly f-locked as I need to get all my multiple moments out somewhere and I have NOWHERE to talk about that stuff.

so links.

Twitter is back.  In my life. As a website it never really went anywhere.

My first lovely novel is up here and here, for free. The first you can read online and the second you can downlaod multiple formats. Comment often.

I am done my first year as a Educational Assistant. Going back to the same school in the fall. It's awesome.

There are lots of inappropriate words in my mind but I want to keep this post open. Perhaps I'll be inappropriate later. Likely not becuase the freaking wedding is in like 3 days and my house is a disaster and we have no food for the next several days.


Have a great summer if I break my first sentence vow and don't actually ever post here again.

Edit: I'm disappointed in articles in rating sex appeal in which only males vote for females and vice versa. What about the queers? Don't we get to vote for which same sex person? *sigh* This is my fault for reading celebrity gossip in the first place.

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Sunday, June 21st, 2009

Subject:It's been one week ....
Time:7:32 pm.
Actually it's now 6 days until I get married.

Happy times. :)

Talk to you after the fact.

Asrais
Comments: Read 1 or Add Your Own.

Friday, March 6th, 2009

Subject:Self-promotion
Time:2:43 pm.
Authonomy

Read my book. Or some such junk. It's also on webook.com but I prefer Authonomy right now.

Anyway I finished something. Kudos to me. or us ... eh. Things are well otherwise. Madly in love with Nickelback these days. And BuckCherry.

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Wednesday, February 25th, 2009

Subject:What up?
Time:9:50 am.
Nearly done my final edit of my NaNo. I let a friend read it and she liked it so ... here goes nothing ...

Otherwise, busy and tired. Hope all is well. I've got to pare down my f-list here to just PEOPLE because I never log on. NEver.
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Wednesday, January 14th, 2009

Subject:Totally forgot
Time:8:15 am.
I totally forgot this was here. Sorry all, I haven't been here since at least I started my new job at the end of August. What's up?

Yeah, I'm going back to silence. You know where to email me. I just don't feel like sharing.
Comments: Read 2 or Add Your Own.

Wednesday, November 12th, 2008

Subject:I am alivw
Time:10:48 am.
I am alive, but have all but abandoned this blog. If you want to reach me you can do so at asrai.rd.at.gmail.com. I'm so busy with life and working my job and all that stuff that I never check here. sorry all. love you.
Comments: Add Your Own.

Wednesday, October 1st, 2008

Subject:Religulous
Time:9:36 am.
Bill Maher was on The Daily Show last night promoting his new movie Religulous. Which bascially looks awesome. Earlier this week I started reading Timothy Freke and Peter Gandy's book

The Laughing Jesus: Religious Lies and Gnostic Wisdom


Which is also estianlally awesome. (Why can I not spell esstianal? fuck it). I'm only Judism, but it's a blow by historical blow account of how the Old Testatment couldn't possibly be truth. There's no mention of many of the things in anyone else's history. Some of Moses books were written in different languages and Moses is even accredited with writing his own death. And also there were a bunch of gods and even some goddesses in the early versions, but those were edited out. And the people would switch their religion either by choice or force, depending on who was ruling them. etc etc. I so look forward to reading the Christian catholic parts.

And it's only the past few weeks that I have realized: there are people who LITERALLY believe these things happened and believe these myths are reality. Even as a child going to Vacation Bible School and Bible Camp (there wasn't a lot to do in the summers where I grew up) and reading these things, in the back of my mind I knew it wasn't real. It was a really good story, and there were some lessons in there or something I'm sure, but it wasn't really real. (maybe it's because in my book there were Unicorns and they never got on the ark and that's why there are no unicorns. what was that about? what was wrong with my parents??)

My brain can't wrap itself around this. I just end up walking around going "REALLY? No. That's a lie. Really? " like I"m a shock victim watching my house burn.

I have a faith. I am a lasped Pagan/Wiccan. I don't think the Gods and Goddess that I like to read about are sitting somewhere watching me on a giant TV screen. It's not that I think they are too busy to care about me. I just don't think they embody any form. 

It's like all the energy in the world in one place. "New Agers" have all sorts of names for it: Divine Matrix. Julie Cameron calls GOD Good Orderly Direction.

The Jehovah's are knocking at my door and I'm tempted to debate with them. hehe.

Anyway, the Gods and Goddess are a way of dividing up the energy and directing it for whatever purpose one might desire it to work. The ability to influence my life is what drew me to Wicca in the first place. The idea that life is nothing more than meaningless exisistence doesn't ring true with me. Nor does the God watching me on his giant TV screen and punishing me if I'm not good.

Maybe I'm wrong, but this truth feels right inside me.

I also reccomend Stephen Law's blog and disblieftnet.com. Disbeliefnet's tag line is "You won't believe what people believe." hehe.
 






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Subject:blabbity
Time:9:18 am.
ANGST.

etc. Work is good and sucks. Just so damned tired all the time. Right now I'm just waiting for xp service pack 3 to install.

ANd my stomach is still a little cramped from DP and things hitting my cervix.

I know you wanted to hear that.

Zementa refuses to work wtih LJ. Oh well, it works great with wordpress and okay with blogger. Yes I've tried it all, but most of my friends are here so personal stuff goes here.

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Wednesday, September 17th, 2008

Subject:err k then.
Time:9:37 am.

While we wait for bad pop-anime-hentai related videos to load, why don't you check out the fundraising going on at I Will Not Die. If you can't donate at least pass on the link to someone. And watch the video. The music is great. I'm going to have to set up a paypal account so I can donate. I've had paypay accounts in the past, but never used them so this could be a new experience. (But I've had plans to maybe sell online via etsy, so paypal was in my future).

 




 

That song gets stuck in my head. The kid found it because she loves to search for my little pony on youtube and the first time I heard it I said it sounds like they are saying "kick em in the butt" (well it's more like "kick em in teh ass" but I won't say that one).

Annnyway. If I haven't said it before, I'm working as an Educational Assistant in a school with a Kindergarten behavioural student. It's a race to see who breaks first. I'm also trying to writewritewrite lots of stuff and my life has leveled for the moment being. I think after I finish typing up stuff I've written I shall go play Outdoor Life Challenge via the Wii. It's quite a workout and tons of fun.


Zementa refused to work with my LJ. Works great with wordpress and I've never bothered wtih blogger.

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Friday, August 29th, 2008

Subject:All is well ...
Time:8:51 am.
I'm still alive. ALl is well. Doing other things.

Started my new job. 2 days a week in Kindergarten. I'm very overwhelmed by everything and not dealing well.

And I'm just mainly really tired for it all.

Get to see my new baby niece this weekend. Looking forward to that. Hard to believe my brother is a daddy. Strange things.

Grade One looms for my darling child. Nerves and excitement.

More writing for me. Playdate sometime today.

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Thursday, July 31st, 2008

Subject:Dissociation
Time:8:52 am.

After reading this blog posting about Adam Duritz’s dissociative disorder, it’s been on my mind. So last night as I was heading to work I well, dissociated from my body. I still am to some degree right now. And here are some remarks I wrote down about it.

This was all written in writing that’s not my usual style. (Except for some parts when I slip back into my body).

I don’t feel real. Like I am not in my head. Whose head am I in then? Or is someone else in mine? I should laugh, I do feel amused by that thought “Whose head am I in?”. But I only stare. Dissociation.

I walk around. Like I need to familiarize myself with a building I have worked in for 2 years. But, it all looks new, like it is the first time I am seeing these things.

I have my music on. Headphones pumping directly into my ears. I don’t think my new music came with me tonight. Transfer failure? Usually I would sing to the music, at least sway or hum. But I feel unmoved by the tunes. Inwardly, I do these things. My body refused to react in any appropriate manner. It’s almost like being drunk. I hope no one shows up. My actions will cause alarm. “

There were doors opening and closing. So i went off to work for a while. And a couple of people did come in. I didn’t act strange, but then again they only walk by me and sometimes say “Hi”.

I am an exaggeration of myself. A caricature. I do things to experience how they feel, the sounds, the results. Ripping, dumping, pushing, squishing. I look at my body parts as separate. It’s hard to see myself as connected. Even when I take a moment to experience my body, it doesn’t seem real. I feel slightly uncoordinated. I move in super slow mo, or past. Exaggerated movements, but it doesn’t registered. I’m testing out how my body works.

It’s tiring. It’s giving me a headache. It’s a bit like being drunk. Slightly enjoyable- the feeling of losing all inhibitions.

More working. I listened to some Quirky Nomads and read on the stairs, which brought me back in. For a bit.

I have slipped back to reality. And Then I Fall Out- Like That.

It’s nice. Y’know. Not feeling. It’s like a break from life, from feelings.

Surreal. I watch myself go through the motions. Good thing I’ve been here 2 years. I don’t have to think. My body does what needs to be done.

I don’t feel. Nothing really registers. I have to keep touching myself to make sure I’m really there.

I like that Zemanta gave me a link to Wikipedia for reality. I’m still completely out of it this morning I realize and only interacting with someone is going to make me come back in. So I’m going to work on my novel, it’s coming together. It is it is.

And I’m an auntie (again technically but the rest are on my partner’s side). So congrats to my brother and his gf and the yet unnamed baby Niece!

Zemanta Pixie
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Tuesday, July 29th, 2008

Subject:Mourning
Time:3:45 pm.
Mood: sad.
NIN played in Edmonton last night. Calgary tonight. Both an hour away from me. But CHad says "I can't go to a concert on a weekday". Which ends in me crying becuase Trent Reznor is an hour away from me RIGHT NOW. an hour! *sigh* He's going to promise I'm going next time, and I'll go even if I have to go alone. B
Zemanta Pixie
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Monday, July 28th, 2008

Subject:Why?
Time:10:58 am.
Mood: rocking.
why has no one introduced me to Katy Perry yet? I never listen to the radio. I hate all the commercials and I can't afford Satellite. I happened to watch the View today of all things, and caught her. AND I LOVE HER.

SO Now I'm going to dance around singing that song at the top of my lungs and sing "I KISSED A GIRL AND I LIKE IT" and embarass the hell out of my kid. Hehe.

Zemanta Pixie
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Saturday, July 26th, 2008

Subject:Time
Time:8:21 am.
I spent a lot of time writing a reply to this opinion. If you need more details search out: Dr Henry Morgentaler.
(BTW the person who wrote that letter writes one every week to the paper on some inane topic of Christian conservatism, and how being homosexual is wrong- most of the time).

So I submitted my own opinion which is as follows. And I'm pretty sure they are going to print me. Wahoo!

RE: He was lucky!

Canadian women are lucky that Dr. Henry Morgentaler have given them a choice. As human beings women should have the choice about their own bodies. They should have a choice whether or not to carry a child or not should they become pregnant. There are many reasons a female may choose not to carry a child to term. But it doesn't matter the whys of it, what matters is a woman is allowed to make her own choices about her own body.

Ms. Jensen has written that partial birth abortions are legal in this country. But the truth is while they are extremely rare and usually only done in the case of the mother being endangered by continuing the pregnancy or the fetus not being viable. Very few women take five months to decide if they want to remain pregnant or not.

Up to that point the embryo is not viable to live outside the womb, and in fact often ends in miscarriage at some point in the first 3 months.

Yes, life is sacred. And there are many families waiting for a baby to adopt. Most of them are waiting for a perfect healthy baby, who is the same race as them.

To force a woman to carry an unwanted pregnancy is abuse. Why is it when a woman becomes pregnant her life and choices become inconsequential, especially if life is so important?

Why am I pro-choice? Because every woman who is pregnant has a unique set of circumstances. Because I do not want anyone to chose what happens to my body.

If it wasn't Dr. Morgentaler, there would have been someone else who championed for women's rights. But thankfully we had him sooner rather than later.

Keep your religion to yourself. No one is enforcing their beliefs upon you, it's time you gave the rest of us that same reprieve.

ME
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Wednesday, July 16th, 2008

Subject:I said hey, what's going on?
Time:9:23 am.
Mood: chipper.

Oh mother fucker. I hit reload somehow and then it asked me if I wanted to get my post from draft and what do I say? No. ARGH.

Allright ... here it is again.

Reading tons of Suzanne Brockmann. As fast as I can get them via Bookmooch or the library. THere are a few must own. My fav. is Hot Target. If you like romance, action, WW II flashbacks, and hot Navy SEALS, and alpha males, a definte must read. You should read them anyway.

Went on vacation. I'll try to remember to post links to the pictures. They are mostly pictures of mountains. ANd Elk. We had an elk on our doorstep in the campground. We also went up the gondola at Jasper. Super cool. But anyway if you want to see the pictures let me know I'll send you a link.

Trying to work on my rewrite. But yesterday or so, I realized that the only conflict is sex and the characters trying NOT to have a relationship. So I added the conflict of my heroine trying not to let the hero find out her secret. Her secret conflicts with getting hot sex from this man. And then wanting hot sex all the time conflicts with the lack of relationship/falling in love. And on it goes.

Hmm, that's about it. Other than hearing my thoughts on the state of the world, economy and the future of energy. Or I could write a rant about anti-choicers (those anti-sex peoples). Another day, another day.

Zemanta Pixie
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