The Laughing Jesus: Religious Lies and Gnostic Wisdom

It's like all the energy in the world in one place. "New Agers" have all sorts of names for it: Divine Matrix. Julie Cameron calls GOD Good Orderly Direction.

The Jehovah's are knocking at my door and I'm tempted to debate with them. hehe.

Anyway, the Gods and Goddess are a way of dividing up the energy and directing it for whatever purpose one might desire it to work. The ability to influence my life is what drew me to Wicca in the first place. The idea that life is nothing more than meaningless exisistence doesn't ring true with me. Nor does the God watching me on his giant TV screen and punishing me if I'm not good.

Maybe I'm wrong, but this truth feels right inside me.

I also reccomend Stephen Law's blog and disblieftnet.com. Disbeliefnet's tag line is "You won't believe what people believe." hehe.
 

While we wait for bad pop-anime-hentai related videos to load, why don't you check out the fundraising going on at I Will Not Die. If you can't donate at least pass on the link to someone. And watch the video. The music is great. I'm going to have to set up a paypal account so I can donate. I've had paypay accounts in the past, but never used them so this could be a new experience. (But I've had plans to maybe sell online via etsy, so paypal was in my future).

That song gets stuck in my head. The kid found it because she loves to search for my little pony on youtube and the first time I heard it I said it sounds like they are saying "kick em in the butt" (well it's more like "kick em in teh ass" but I won't say that one).

Annnyway. If I haven't said it before, I'm working as an Educational Assistant in a school with a Kindergarten behavioural student. It's a race to see who breaks first. I'm also trying to writewritewrite lots of stuff and my life has leveled for the moment being. I think after I finish typing up stuff I've written I shall go play Outdoor Life Challenge via the Wii. It's quite a workout and tons of fun.

Started my new job. 2 days a week in Kindergarten. I'm very overwhelmed by everything and not dealing well.

After reading this blog posting about Adam Duritz’s dissociative disorder, it’s been on my mind. So last night as I was heading to work I well, dissociated from my body. I still am to some degree right now. And here are some remarks I wrote down about it.

This was all written in writing that’s not my usual style. (Except for some parts when I slip back into my body).

I don’t feel real. Like I am not in my head. Whose head am I in then? Or is someone else in mine? I should laugh, I do feel amused by that thought “Whose head am I in?”. But I only stare. Dissociation.

I walk around. Like I need to familiarize myself with a building I have worked in for 2 years. But, it all looks new, like it is the first time I am seeing these things.

I have my music on. Headphones pumping directly into my ears. I don’t think my new music came with me tonight. Transfer failure? Usually I would sing to the music, at least sway or hum. But I feel unmoved by the tunes. Inwardly, I do these things. My body refused to react in any appropriate manner. It’s almost like being drunk. I hope no one shows up. My actions will cause alarm. “

There were doors opening and closing. So i went off to work for a while. And a couple of people did come in. I didn’t act strange, but then again they only walk by me and sometimes say “Hi”.

I am an exaggeration of myself. A caricature. I do things to experience how they feel, the sounds, the results. Ripping, dumping, pushing, squishing. I look at my body parts as separate. It’s hard to see myself as connected. Even when I take a moment to experience my body, it doesn’t seem real. I feel slightly uncoordinated. I move in super slow mo, or past. Exaggerated movements, but it doesn’t registered. I’m testing out how my body works.

It’s tiring. It’s giving me a headache. It’s a bit like being drunk. Slightly enjoyable- the feeling of losing all inhibitions.

More working. I listened to some Quirky Nomads and read on the stairs, which brought me back in. For a bit.

I have slipped back to reality. And Then I Fall Out- Like That.

It’s nice. Y’know. Not feeling. It’s like a break from life, from feelings.

Surreal. I watch myself go through the motions. Good thing I’ve been here 2 years. I don’t have to think. My body does what needs to be done.

I don’t feel. Nothing really registers. I have to keep touching myself to make sure I’m really there.

I like that Zemanta gave me a link to Wikipedia for reality. I’m still completely out of it this morning I realize and only interacting with someone is going to make me come back in. So I’m going to work on my novel, it’s coming together. It is it is.

And I’m an auntie (again technically but the rest are on my partner’s side). So congrats to my brother and his gf and the yet unnamed baby Niece!

If a stay-at-home mom could be compensated in dollars rather than personal satisfaction and unconditional love, she'd rake in a nifty sum of nearly $117,000 a year.

As if women who contribute at home get a once-a-year chance to brag about how much they're worth - and then it's back to cleaning up socks with no compensation. Am I just jaded?

They calculate that number to help people understand that mothering IS work-I'd be happier if this was calculated for stay at home parents instead of mothers, but if people continue to insist that raising PEOPLE is not a worthwhile cause, they'll still need to do them.

I mean, it would be nice to get a paycheck sure - but just to have more money, not because that would somehow validate my worth as a mother. I recognize that I am extremely lucky to be able to stay home with my infant right now - but it is still hard ass work. And as "icky lovey dovey" as it sounds to some, the rewards ARE better than money. This does not make me a better mother than those who work. But it is my choice and I am happy with it. -jennifer